Cutting

 Dec, 29 2021. 

Book, hot tub, coffee... life looks good huh? Look closer and you’ll see all the scars and stitches and a bandage on my arm from cutting. I’ve been fighting a battle, many battles. What started as a way to quickly relieve the pain and misery of fighting mental illness has become an addition. Something that has hurt me, my family, my relationship with friends and God. It became my focus all the while satan was gaining ground.

I’m so quick to find something tangible to fill my void vs. yielding to Jesus and waiting for Him to help me. It’s hard, at least for me I find the surrendering and waiting really hard.
Today though, I’m committing to not cutting, and if I fail I’ll surrender again and keep fighting.
F you satan, you’re not going to win.

Update 7/2/22

Dec. 27 2021 was the last time I ever cut. I'm thankful that God has sustained me and helped me to get out of that compulsive negative coping harmful behavior. It hurt myself but it hurt those I love even more. It didn't help or solve anything and the temporary help I thought it would give me never came.