Abby (9) decided today she wants to make a small one for her baby doll... she's like me in that she likes quick projects so she is machine stitching hers. She cut out all her squares by herself and stitched these by herself. She's ahead of me too now! LOL
So tonight after cutting out lots of tiny squares I started to stitch a couple together. I finished stitching the 3rd square on and Sarah (11) looked at it with this kind of scared look and I realized I had put one square on backwards. HA I laughed outloud to which she began laughing. So funny! I get so ahead of myself with stuff and I thought about how so often in my healing journey I get ahead of myself and hurry it. Steps get missed that way. May God show me through this quilt process that I am worth taking time for and allowing Him to take His time on. I was telling Marc (my husband) that my OCD side wants to lay out all the squares and decide which ones go together etc. and I know I would over analyze like crazy but there's a part of me that feels I need to learn to go with the flow and allow it to develop and evolve and I don't have to know just how it's going to turn out. His response was yes maybe God wants to teach you to let go of control. It's so true. Part of the deep damage of being raped is what it has done to my trust in Jesus and my trust and relationship with others. I want to allow Him to guide me in my healing process and I want Him to be in control of how that looks much like I want to let go figuring out how this quilt will look and allow myself to just be present. I don't have to heal any certain way and I don't have to do it perfectly either. I need Him to keep reminding me of that.
The tenderness of God, the way He orchestrates and plans and weaves together my life for His good just amazes me.
I posted on a couple quilt groups about wanting to make my very first quilt and about the healing journey God has me on with this quilt and I have been completely blown away by the support. Many ladies have messaged me and shared their own stories of pain and healing, many people have offered to send me fabric scraps and squares for my quilt and I am just blown away with the goodness of God. I feel so supported, and kindred spirit with these ladies. God is so good to know I will need that. I also adore the idea of having a piece of so many ladies stories woven together along with my own story into my quilt, either through squares of fabric they have sent or through encouraging words they have spoken. I am so very thankful to be a part of the body of Christ.One of the ladies told me quilting was like a silent prayer, a communion with the Holy Spirit. How beautiful.
God is weaving together dark and light in my life to create a tapestry that I can't even begin to image yet.
So here's my progress today, small but so very satisfying and I am quite stunned at how close I felt to Jesus as I worked on this. I love Him so very much.
I read this Poem (popularized by Corrie Ten Boom) tonight and it touched me so.
My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.
Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him