Sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are.

When I was a young teenager I wrote poems. Sometimes happy poems, but for the most part they were poems woven with pain, with struggle, mostly from a trauma I had experienced as a young teenager. God used writing as a way for me to express and get our my feelings and thoughts. As I got older they were sprinkled with hope and faith in Jesus, and at times the words came straight from the Holy Spirit. He used writing as one of the many ways He pieced my heart and mind together.

I wrote this specific poem over 15 years ago, during my first year into college, at a time where my parents marriage was falling apart. This poem flowed freely from pen to paper, with no searching for words. They were a gift from Jesus. It's quite frequent that I forget that I am found in Jesus, and He has made me to be who I am, He has given me a beautiful identity in Him.

Poem:

To my Beloved

Oh child of mine how I wish you could see what I see in You.

When I gaze upon you my heart is delighted.

I dream of all the desires I have for you.

I dance as I think of all the lives I can touch through you.

If only you knew how much I love you,

just as you are precious one.

I don't expect you to be perfect-

I just want to love you.

Come to me and rest with me.

My arms are open wide,

craving to hold and comfort you.

I have so many secrets to share with you.

All you have to be is what I've made you to be.

There is nothing you can do to prove yourself to me.

I know everything about you-

yet my love for you stays the same.

I am your Creator;

I believe in you.

If you could see yourself through my eyes,

you would see the beauty that is within you.

All I ask little one is that you You receive me.

Because of who I am, you can be set free,

transformed into the priceless gift that I made you to be.

I gave all that I am so that you might have life everlasting.

My heart aches for you to be my very own.

I have chosen you,

my soul yearns for you.

I long, I call, I wait...

for you my beloved one.

I am praying and asking Jesus to show me clearly who I really am. I need desperately to know who I really am. As He shows me, as He rebuilds me I hold tight to the truth. The truth that I am complete in Him. I am loved and treasured. I am worth His healing and love. Word of God is my daily bread, His word brings healing and hope. He is helping me to see what truly is... Grace, love, peace for the taking. Salvation through the cross, life worth living, truth worth believing.

Often satan lies to us about who we are. I get wrapped up in what I'm doing or not able to do, how things appear, what I feel, etc. This whole performance thing, not clinging to the grace that God offers me every minute of every day.

Looking back, all I had to rely on was Jesus. There just wasn't anything in me that could muster up anything good within myself. I was to the end of myself and it was cling to Him, or nothing.

Over the last few years I lost who I was. I couldn't find myself or anything to be good. I was hopeless and things were becoming more desperate and out of control by the day. It is only by the grace of God that I survived.

The day that Marc and I walked out of the Dr.'s office, for the first time in years we had hope. Finally having a diagnosis and learning that there are medications that can help me, we walked away with the hope that I may one day be OK again. Since then though satan has told me many times that the illness of Bipolar has formed my identity.

Struggling with bipolar is no more related to who I am than a person struggling with cancer is to who they are. It has nothing to do with who I am, yet I feel like it has everything to do with it. I have allowed lies from the enemy to wear me down and strip me of the truth. I gave into the lie that I am tainted and defective and will never be who I want to be. Satan has lied to me by telling me that God (and those who love me) can't rely on me because of my instability.

He's showing me little by little, as much as I can handle that the truth is that He has been desperately longing to show me that He knows who I am. He sees the good, the true and if He wants to work through me He can and will, in the midst of my struggles, in fact He will use them for good. I needs Him, I needs to cling to and rely on Him. He's the one that truly knows me. He is for me. He sees me as I truly am. I have to want to know who I am in His truth, not just in my thoughts and feelings, or the thoughts other people have towards or about me. Just to know His truth. He is also empowering me to believe that my feelings do not determine the truth and it's my choice to choose truth or give into the easier more common idea that my feelings define my reality.

Jesus is my reality. He is my constant. He is my stability.

He is a God of promises. Therefore I can cling to the truth that He takes nothing and makes it something. He takes our weaknesses and makes His strength known. He takes these hard times, the ugly things of life and He does beautiful things. He brings good things out of bad things. I just couldn't see this growing up, but just as my mentor kept telling me He would, He HAS, and He is. He is true to His promise.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who are the called according to His purpose.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

As I looked at the picture on my bathroom wall today I read the scripture that brought me hope and comfort, and I knew was true for many many years.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Another verse that I cling to is
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, and rejoice over you with singing.

I found this verse before being diagnosed at a very dark time, and on the process and journey to healing and health I have lived by this scripture:
Psalms 73:26 Though my heart and my flesh may fail, God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
I believe this. I do.

If you search how many times the bible says...."His love endures forever", it's pretty incredible to think it's that important and true to be repeated over and over throughout the bible. And in all these things, I praise God for He is faithful and Good.
Psalms 118:1 Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.

Eph. 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could as for our imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.

I am praying God's blessing and love over you today too as we celebrate the coming birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.
2 Cor. 9:15 Thanks be to God for His indescribable Gift!

To Him be the Glory!