I wrote last night after taking my medicine for sleep. I'm sure it was quite jumbled, sorry. Marc said "are you even awake writing that?" HA. Well I think so! ;o)
I had went back to working part-time after 10 years of being home with the kids. I was working at S. J's hospital as a phlebotomist (aka blood sucker or vampire). It's something in the past I really loved, especially caring for people.
It was a lot harder to juggle work and home than I ever expected. I mostly over those 5 months realized I still wanted to be home with my babies full-time and I can work later... but it was also hard because of what was going on with me on the inside. It was just one more thing that I felt like I couldn't handle and was just too much and too overwhelming. I had to force myself to GO. It was hard to keep going.. partly because I was in a low time, but also because of the migraines I've been having that come with my monthly issues. Each month I was missing 1-2 days during those really down weeks.
I'm wanting to ask my Dr. next month more about if the monthly pms depression is triggered from the bipolar and that's why I'm so sensitive to the changes in hormones then or what. That's what Marc and I are understanding as we read about bipolar... seems that there are "triggers" for lows or highs.. and my hormones really mess with me on this one. I'm feeling ok yesterday and today and I am definately coming out of my depression I've been in, but the medicines adjusting have my feelings a bit all over the place. I hadn't been sleeping well for a couple weeks. My family doctor switched some of my medicines because I was doing so bad in Jan. The psychologist felt the 2 my family dr. put me on were right for me but the wellbutrin one he doubled the dose... that's the one that was giving me headaches and no sleep and nightmares for a week. Thankfully I know that this is just my body getting use to it and it hopefully will pass in a week or so as I'm having those headaches again, and not sleeping well.
I really feel more hopeful than I have in years. It's encouraging to know what's going on and start to understand things a bit. Oh he also changed my sleep medicine to something he thought would work better... so hopefully once these side effects go away from the other medicine the sleep medicine will help.
I had wrote on my blog last night after taking my sleep medicine so I'm sure it was quite jumbled. I've been told to journal in the past and I know it really helps me get things out and quiet my mind.... and who wants to "write" with pen and paper anymore? It gives my hand a cramp. Marc said "writing with paper is so old school" HA! We're spoiled people. ;o)
Oh, the question I had last night for my Dr. about what exactly the mood stabilizer will do... Marc said he would answer that for me.... Marc said that the Dr. told us that he wanted to put me on the specific one that he did because it works best with really low low's and should help prevent those. The Dr. said since I have type 2 which has hypomania (not as big highs and not detrimental like type 1 which have psychotic issues too) and bigger longer lows that this medicine is best for that (vs. like lithium which is a mood stabilizer that is best for type 1 with extreme highs). So there ya go. That was so helpful to understand and I'm again so so blessed that Marc was able to go with me.
It was healing in a sense to process and do that together, and I'm sure glad too because I can't remember half of what the Dr. told us. Ha!
I'm hoping that we can afford in the near future to go to counseling together some and for me to be able to go alone too. I know we've learned a lot of wrong patterns as we've just tried to survive in the past. We both would really like to be beyond all these times of "Survival mode" that we've went in. I especially feel like I need help processing and learning how to do what I need to do at home etc.
I know that letting Jesus heal my heart is as important as letting the medicines help my body. I'm praying about all that.
God is so faithful! Ok these 2 little ones are ready for breakfast and the big ones are off to school.