Friday, January 30, 2015

No darker night

Nothing is sweeter to me right now than my Savior's voice. I am awed and grateful that the God of the universe chooses to talk to ME.

God has been deepening my understanding of just how present and close He was with me the night I was raped. Nothing went from the hands of that man to my body that didn't first go through the body of Jesus.

God gave me a vision where I saw that man's hands reach towards me and go straight through the back of Jesus before touching me. It was like God was a human shield and He felt everything I felt.
In my darkest hour, the most terrifying night of my life, I lay there being stripped of all my dignity, in complete raw and utter helplessness and loss of control,  being laughed at and told no one would hear my cries for help....and I felt alone. God didn't just watch as a bystander "present" with me, He entered into my pain and experienced what I experienced. My tears were not the only tears shed that night.

This wasn't unfamiliar ground for Him though. It makes me think about what it must have been like for my precious Jesus, the night He endured the cross. There was no darker night than that, the night he was stripped of His clothing, beaten and bruised, laid on a cross naked, laughed at, mocked. People questioned why His God wouldn't save Him.

It is comforting to know Jesus knows the pain and anguish I felt that night. He too experienced the stripping of clothes, but even more so the stripping of His heart. He too questioned where His Father was at... and He too had a Father that felt every tear, every drop of sweat and blood that fell from His brow. Nothing touched Him that night on the cross that didn't first go through the hand of His Father, God.  He wasn't alone, nor was I alone.

Realizing I wasn't raped alone, knowing that He chose to go there with me, knowing He experienced what I experienced deepens my understanding of His love for me.  He chooses to go into the valleys with us. He isn't afraid of our mess, He knows our humanness and loves us in it.

He is giving me greater confidence in knowing that He is truly present, always with me.
Just as we as people grow closer together when we experience hard things together, I am growing closer to Jesus as I embrace and realize just how alive and active He is in my life.

"All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live."

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