Monday, January 31, 2011

Deeply Grateful

Things have been hard the last week or 2 weeks. Depression and sadness have hung over me like a cloud, every once in a while I've felt and can sense the sun breaking through. Those are the times when I get quiet enough and still enough to let Jesus get close. He is so warm and bright and He shines through the thickest of clouds and the beauty of those sunbeams are beautiful.

Today has been a day full of of tears. I've been crying out to Jesus and He is so faithful to be right by my side.
Tears aren't something that come easy to me. Somehow over my teen years with family problems and a trauma I accidentally cut myself off from those emotions. It's been a protective mechanism or a hardening of my heart. Something I wish wasn't so. When I feel sad, I wish I could cry. There's a release and tenderness from Jesus that I sense through tears. It's like I get closer to Him, He feels more intimate. Today my tears were a gift. It felt good to express what is inside and have Jesus hold me and be with me. I'm safe with Him. I know Jesus sees my heart, and he holds all my tears. I love Him.

Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation):
"You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book."

And with more tears I count my gifts...#245-264

Thank you Jesus for patience. You don't get tired of giving me grace.

Thank you that even when I don't feel it your Words are still true, nothing about you changes. You are my rock, my fortress, my strong deliverer.

Flowers from my husband, wild flowers, my favorite after a hard week.

Thank you Jesus that no tear goes unnoticed, the ones shed on the inside of my heart and the ones that run down my face.

Thank you for walking right with me, carrying me, loving me whether I realize it or not.

The ability to do the next thing when I can't see any further.

Love, love that I know deep down in my heart even when my mind fails me.

Thank you that you created me and know the intricate parts of me. Especially the parts of my brain that aren't healthy right now.

Thank you that you never stop listening, never stop answering.

For my 11 yr old Sweet Isaiah who went grocery shopping with me and was so amazingly helpful (Aldi's can be a big event! :o) especially a blessing with how weary I have been.

For my 10 yr. old Caleb who was waiting to hear us pull in so he could take all our bags and help put groceries away.

My Mom's reply to my blog and her support and care. The way she asks me often how I am doing (and really wants to know).

Thank you Jesus for your unending, unwavering love that loves even when I resist.

Marc loosing 19lbs in 4 weeks and me loosing 10 lbs. in 4 weeks. Thank you Jesus!

The dark crisp sky at night. I sense His quiet love out there.

Big boys that love to read.

The beautiful love languages that Marc and I are discovering in our children as they grow. They are so precious with how they respond to them.

My husband wiping tears off my face.

Sleep that restores the body and mind.


1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful heartfelt counting of gifts and saying thank you! You are such a blessing...and congratulations to you and your husband on the weight loss!

    Thank you for always leaving such sweet heartfelt notes for me, Becky.

    Hugs to you,