Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Praise and Prayer

First PRAISE GOD my headache is finally gone! I didn't have one at all yesterday and the dizziness and spots and nausea are gone finally too! YAY thank you Jesus!!! My body just had to adjust. I'm so thankful. I really didn't want to change medicine again.
I've been overwhelmed and anxious yesterday and today. It's coming to that time of month that's so hard for me. It's hard to not get frustrated and discouraged with how I'm feeling. Marc keeps reminding me that my mecicine has not had time to be working fully yet, and that this is character building times for me. Ugh. I took 25mg of my mood stabilizer for 2 weeks, and a couple days ago it upped to 50mg now for 2 more weeks, then I'll go to the normal amount of 100mg. So it's not up to the full dose yet.
I know the medicine won't be a quick fix or miracle drug, so I'm trying to just learn to cope and prepare myself for hard times, especially monthly. I'm trying to get lots of rest, but during the day when I lay down with Abby (John-Marc sleeps during the afternoons in his crib) I usually can't slow my mind down enough to really rest, let alone sleep. I AM sleeping MUCH MUCH better at night though, so I'm thankful that Jesus is helping me sleep. I am down to 1 ambien at night vs. having to take another half in the middle of the night... so I hope to not even need a whole ambien soon, and especially not most of the month. I don't like that I take the medicine but I really really don't sleep if I don't right now. I know it will get better though as I continue to adjust to medicine and level out.
I can feel myself wanting to just withdraw and go into my own little world... so I was extra intentional yesterday to spend time with Jesus. I think when I start to go low I just feel like it's all I can do to keep going at home and be what Marc and the kids need. I just kinda need to shut everyone and everything else out. I want to learn better to deal with my stress and moods better so stuff doesn't affect me so much and I can just continue to be a great mom and wife. I really have to try extra hard to have patience and listen to the kids when I feel like this.
I'm trying hard though and trying to lean on Jesus. I know He can and DOES give me His strength and help when I let Him. I just have to keep surrendering and not trying to do it on my own. I obviously don't do very well with that.

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