Friday, February 5, 2010

God is Stronger than my hormones!

Ok so this is probably TMI for boys, so sorry guys!
I've been reading information about bipolar and I'm seeing another connection that seems helpful for me to understand.
I have severe PMS every month, it's not typical like it is for most women, mine starts when I start my cycle... I am very moody and irritated at everything, that lasts for 4-6 days or so and then I just spiral down and become depressed. Then I struggle to do the basic things I need to do. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to move and can't wait to get back to bed, yet Ironically I can't sleep during this 2nd week, which just compounds my depression. I do not do well without a lot of sleep, yet I have insomnia 1-2 weeks out of the month.. or any other time my body feels like it!
So the connection... I'm reading that hormones are big triggers for bipolar episodes.. both high and low. (Seems I go high and irritable/irrational the first week, then low the next).
My primary Dr. and OBGYN in the past have both said that my body is super sensitive to hormone changes. That is also part of the reason I had 9 months of puking with each baby too. When they tested my hormone levels during one pregnancy my levels were through the roof high. This is also what triggers my migraines. NO fun to have all these things going on together.
So what to do about it? I don't know. I know Marc and I have tried to prepare me better the last few months for my cycle and it has helped. I try to get a nap when I can during those weeks, and I try to go to bed early. I also try to have the house in order so it doesn't get quite as out of hand when I drop low. Marc has really helped me with the house during my PMS times too. That helps a ton. He's extra caring too and that is precious to me and helps me try to relax and know this too will pass.
I also am going to start really praying often that God will heal me of these hormonal ups and downs, that my cycle would not be a trigger for bipolar episodes.
No wonder I have rapid-cycling bipolar where I go up and down and all over the place quickly and often.
Somehow it's a comfort to read and hear that it's normal for rapid-cycling bipolar people to have many mood changes throughout the day. This is so me.
I am hopeful and praying that as my medicines get balanced out that maybe these monthly things will get balanced out too.
I'm still trying to accept that this is actually a real and true thing happening to me.. and not just made up in my head or people's heads. It helps to hear and read from professional christian psychiatrist and Dr's that this is truly a sickness of the body, in my brain and not just my spiritual weakness or inability or unwillingness to just let Jesus be stronger in me than all this. I liked it a lot better when I just thought that my body was healing from having 6 babies in 8 years... and that it would be going back to normal soon.
I'm trying to trust and believe that this new diagnosis and new medication treatments etc. are a means of God's healing and His love and hand on me now. Marc was telling me this last night and it really helped. God is working. That's why I had some awesome and knowledgeable friends who cared enough to research and find the BEST christian Dr. and that I am getting the help I need. I'm trying to believe that God WILL heal me, whether it be through the means of Dr.s and medicines and counseling and the support of my friends, through learning to guard my heart with His Word, or through a complete healing of my mind and body. He does know me best and knows what I need. Dr Jeffaries said last night during his teaching... "Sometimes what we need the most is to be in need". That way God can strengthen our trust and faith in Him and allow us to rely and surrender on Him alone.
I have to believe that He has a plan for my life! (one of my fav. verses is Jer. 29:11) and that He will never leave me or forsake me, and that he will use everything for good for His glory. I don't understand all this and my heart hurts, but He DOES understand and He IS loving and healing me, even in the midst of my doubts and lack of faith, He can't help but be Himself to and for us.. when we ask and let Him in.
One reason I'm blogging publicly is for me to have accountability to be real, to stay open and become even more yielded to God's love in my heart. I need His strength to help me stay open and not close off to Him and others. I've done that for too long and it grieves His heart, and it hurts everyone.
God help me to be open to You in my heart, your love, your healing, your grace, and your love for me through other people. Help me to believe You and allow You to be the final word over my life.

1 comment:

  1. Your story is inspirational and I can see your love of God even through your storm. Marc sounds like a very loving and supportive husband. With God, Marc and yourself you make a great team and will overcome this! I bet you will help others along the way.