Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A bush in the desert with no rain or a tree planted by a stream with never-ending water?

Jesus is constantly in the process of bringing wholeness and healing to our hearts. He begins, continues, refines, works anew in our lives. He is constant and present in every single aspect of who we are and what we face. He is constant in His work inside us and teaching us how to love His people.

He weaves beauty into ugly, forgiveness into sin, Hope into hopelessness. He is and active, He uses His truth to our lives. . going deep into our souls. Bringing new life over and over again.

He's making streams in the desert, living water in a land that's been barren.
Our worth has no relation to what we've done, what we're doing, or what we're going to do.  those years of being sick physically with pregnancy after pregnancy and sick mentally I can relate to a barren Tree, dormant and in my eyes unlovely. Not a whole lot given and yet not much to give. Satan wore my spirit down. My confidence was broken, my weakness in my mind was just that: weakness. I didn't allow God to show Himself strong. I just pushed Him away more and more, and slowly allowed more and more of my heart to go
I've come out of all That feeling quite ineffective and useless.  Which again is satan's motive and desire.
But the difference now is that I'm beginning to see God as my  Truth Again.  To Call the lies for what They are,  just that, lies from Satan.  

Marc too, because of his love for Jesus and for me, he never wavered in his love for me and selflessly gave and cared for the kids and I.  For him his strength and spirit is worn down and depleted. So we're coming through all that and I think we're both surprised to realized we can't just spring back. Honestly I don't think we know how to operate in any mode but survival mode.  We're beginning to come out of those dark years, thankful we survived  but also  often feeling we're teetering on the edge.  We have  a  lot of hurt, disappointments, and  questions. Im just now starting to push  through that hurt to let Jesus in, to ask Him for His perspective, to ask Him questions I'm really afraid to ask, to feel the hurt  I'm really afraid to feel.

God spoke to me the other night at renewal. 
In prayer I allowed God the reins to push through my resistance to be real.  We really are desperately in need of Him, we really can't do anything without Him. I confessed my disappointment and misunderstandings Of His hand and purpose in my life, confessed and asked for forgiveness for a number of things and He forgave me.   Then He spoke to me the words that became a healing balm to my soul.  This  is what the LORD Said: 
 "He loves me just the same.  In all these years He's never looked at me any differently.  My worth  is in Him. My identity is found in Him". 

There's not one thing that we have done or will do that can change His love for us.  His love and grace simply can not be earned. 
We cant buy something that has already been paid for and given freely.  If grace and love ceased to exist, then God's sacrifice of his Son's life poured out on the cross would have been in vain. The cross would serve no purpose, which  isn't possible to God. He always has purpose.  

When I felt useless, He looked
at me and saw His purpose and my value as His child.
Even the darkest times are as light to Him. How that plays out in deep
depression  I don't know, But I can choose to believe Him and take
him at His Word, and he can heal and make new.  He can restore the years that felt wasted, He promises that in His Word, in His book of truth. His love never runs dry. 
He never pushes us; He's tender and patient and loves us in the waiting. 
but when we call out to Him and invite Him in He fulfills His promises to us.

The week before He spoke those words of hope and healing to me,
Very dear friends brought this scripture up and felt like God was speaking it to me.  I deeply love friends that will speak the hard truths to me, because they love me that much. This scripture was quite convicting, in many ways, and it was a tool He used to bring me to repentance and I have a feeling this scripture will continue to be very important and special to me for years to come.  today  it is a beautiful promise....

Jer.  17:5-8
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
6He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
7“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
8He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

I felt like He's once again pulled some deep rooted lies to till up the dry soil and make it new again, preparing and making room for newly planted seeds.  Seeds that will spring forth With hope, for me and through me to others, those beautiful fruit bearing trees. I can hardly wait! I'm so glad I can count on His promises to be carried out, and to be given in the  fullness of who He is.  

What do you need or desire from God right now? I'd love to come along side of you and hold you up on prayer.

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