From questioning, to accepting, to thanking. PART 1

This world can be an ugly place. We all know it, most of us know it first hand. It's easy to look at experiences and spend a good bit of time questioning... Why God? Why do I have to go through this? Why did you allow this? How could you let this happen? Where are you at God? What am I suppose to do now? Where were you when...? Why didn't you...? If only you had... Why aren't you answering me God? If you are good God then why? What do you want from me God?

These are hard questions, some deeply painful questions. These are human questions. I don't think they are good nor bad, and I think they are welcomed by God. If we can't tell Him the truth, if we can't go to Him and work through our messes with Him, how then can we be healed? Where then should we turn? This is what He wants, for us to be real, open, and surrendered to Him. Even if all we have to give is anger, or hurt, or questions. He'll take whatever we will give Him of ourselves. God knows us inside and out. He made us and knows everything about us. He knows our sinful ways too and in all of this He loves us still. (Psalms 139)

I absolutely do not know why God chooses to allow some things and not allow other things. It's a question I have wrestled with many times in my life. Most recently I've asked God why he has allowed me to have bipolar. Why He hasn't or doesn't just heal me. I've pleaded with Him to take it. I have no idea if my healing will come here on this earth, or if it will come when I walk through the doors of heaven and meet my Savior.

I do know though is it is coming. He promises healing for all of us. The One who came to save the world, He is coming back for us; and as we wait we have His Holy Spirit here to comfort us, to move in power on our behalf, to point us to Jesus and to minister to our hearts.
And when Jesus comes back for us (or when we are taken to be with Him).....
He will make all the wrongs right, take away every tear and all our sadness, every hurt. every harsh memory and all pain and sickness. One day we will be made whole with Him.

Right now, wherever we are and whatever we are doing, He love us. He has no favorites, no specials, He doesn't segregate us from "good" vs. "bad", He just sees us as His children, and He wants us, because He has this radical love that isn't based on anything about us, it's based on who He is and how much He wants to have our hearts. He has fierce love that was strong and real, deep enough to die for us, even in our sin.

With Jesus there is no such thing as "too bad" or gone "too far". He takes us as we are, loves us through it all, and if we ask Him to He will transform us into new people.

I'm praying for deeper faith, more trust, greater hope, and more thankfulness in my heart.
God has a purpose and plan for each of us; He will unravel it throughout our lives if we ask Him to, weaving it through love and pain. He works in His timing and His ways. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Stay tuned for Part 2!!

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever....

All things new

Sometimes life is painful, sometimes it's ugly, sometimes it's beautiful, and sometimes the painful produces beauty.

I recently felt God wanted me to share a piece of my struggles with a group of Jesus loving women. I didn't feel it was received well. It seemed like people looked at me like I was crazy. I felt vulnerable and exposed and I want to pull back and close up. Jesus doesn't want me to do that though. He asks us to be real, to be transparent to God's working and my need for Him. To tell of His blessings amidst struggle, the way He carries me and bears my burdens for and with me. I'm choosing to let it go and know that God was misunderstood and yet He responded with love. I find freedom in submitting to what His desires are. I know He has a purpose and a plan for my life; one of hope and redemption.

For this reason, I believe and I trust that He will continue to bless and heal me. He uses it all right. even when we don't do things just right? He accepts where I am at, and He continues to make me transparent and real so that He can bless me and change me.

He takes our weaknesses, our struggles, our human ways, and makes us righteous in Him. Grace poured out, blood shed for our sins, our pain, our brokenness and He makes it beautiful. He forgives, He comforts, He makes beauty from life's ashes.

He makes all things beautiful, in it's time. Ecc. 3:11

In the giving up, the giving in to Him, we allow Him to clean out, to throw away the old and make new. In the giving up of self we allow the coming in of Jesus in our hearts. Sin forgiven, set free for new life.

He makes all things new.

He takes the old mangled tainted parts of our soul and He exchanges them. He clothes us with loving kindness. The kind of love that wraps us up and removes the shame, the disappointment, the confusion of self and this harsh world. Those old dirty rags, they don't exist anymore to Him.

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a *new* heart and put a *new* spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

His Spirit giving His fruit, love, joy, peace, patience, loving kindness, mercy grace.....

He makes all things new.

Why we pick back up the old and set aside the new, it doesn't make sense. That breaking away from the covering of God's grace; giving in to the world's idea that we can do things on our own. That's where the clothes get torn, they wear out and our sin shows right through.

Once again He comes and offers His cleansing, His grace, His righteousness, that unending faithful love that makes all things new again. He washes the stains of sin. He has this pure heart that never stops forgiving, never stops seeking His beloved children.

Casting our sin, our shame at the foot of His cross; He gives us grace with just a touch of His hand. He takes our sin and gives His forgiveness, His redemption.

He makes all things new.

All the time, continually, He never takes His hand off of us, just like a potter keeps his hand on the wheel, shaping, changing, not wasting a thing, God is lovingly shaping us in His hands to become all things beautiful. He mixes the pain in with the good, and He makes us new.

Isaiah 42:9
Behold, the former things have come to pass, And *new* things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them.

Rev. 21:5
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Do we love Jesus, just for Him?

I was at a women's conference recently that Beth Coppedge spoke at. She asked a thought provoking question. "Do we love God just for Him, for who He is, or do we want God to perform for us?"

I felt convicted about that question. It has lead me to pray and think about whether I have recently been loving Him for Him and if I've loved Him wholeheartedly and unhindered by selfish purposes and expectations.

I want to be holy and pure, having a heart and mind like His, to have His joy, His favor, His fruit, but am I willing to do what He commands and expects of me out of my love for Him, regardless of what my circumstances are?

Am I willing to spend time reading His Word, diving into Who He is and what pleases Him, so that I can know Him personally? Am I focused on praising Him and asking what would please Him, And when He speaks and shows me His perspective am I willing to respond out of love for him or am I more interested in what I can get from Him, what benefits can I get?

Do we want to please God or have Him please us?

I've been convicted that I've allowed my focus to get off track, and have been more focused on What He can do for me, and my wants. Slowly I've allowed my selfish expectations to cloud over my love for Him, just Him, for who He is.

Do I want to be obedient out of my love for Him, or do I just want to receive all His gifts and not worry about or seek what He calls me to?

I want that joy, that radical walk with Him, that intimacy, often I don't ask Him what that requires of me.

He loves and forgives, He gave us freedom from sin, He brought salvation, grace and hope and continues to bless us with that love . Are our hearts thankful? Do we have hearts that worship Him and praise Him no matter what? Do we thank Him for all of His blessings seen and unseen daily?

Psalms 13:5-6
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.

That's what He wants isn't it?, He wants us to love Him and be loved by Him, no strings attached, no expectations of Him to do something for me.

In Deuteronomy 6:5 and Mark 12:30 He says:
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

That's a strong command. One we cannot accomplish on our strength, but the strength of Jesus.

He longs and desires a love relationship with Him, one that is abandoned to His heart, surrendered in all places, all the corners and rooms of our being no matter what it costs us. Surrendered to Jesus, willing and joyful to obey Him out of love for Him?

My heart is for Him, I love Him, and I need Him, and He has lovingly re-focused my mind and heart to love Him and please Him. When I ask, He speaks, when I look through His eyes I can see His heart and His perspective, and intimacy grows.

I am purposing my focus back on loving Him for Him. Seeking Him out for His love. I'm committing again to search Him out in His Word, to love Him for Him, to continue on this love journey, to a deeper love relationship with Him. To give my whole heart to serve and love Him, with His strength, His pure ways.

No matter what my lot, what my circumstances, my eyes are fixed on Him. He is unfailing and faithful, full of love, and most worthy of my love. To God be the glory!

Psalms 36:5-7
Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice reaches to the sea. You, LORD, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

No matter what my lot, what my circumstances, my eyes are fixed on Him. He is unfailing and faithful, full of love, and most worthy of my love. To God be the glory!